hi! i’m anne. i have a dilemma. i have been with a special moroccan man. at least he’s been special to me. i have been serious with him from the beginning. we’ve been seeing each other about 1 year and a half. and now that he’s been thinking of marriage…a lot of conflicts have come up. He is a bit different than he was before. he said that’s because he is serious about me.
Recently, we have a conflict about me going off on my vacation. you see, i have 4weeks of vacation in a whole year. but since he cannot come with me on my vacation, he doesn’t want me to go. He doesn’t want me to travel by myself, or travel with anyone, just him. But he cannot go, so he’s telling me i don’t respect him if i go.
But you see, this time… i really need to go somewhere. My spirit and energy needs to be refreshed. i know deep down i need to go and i wish he could understand, but he doesn’t. i ask him why i cannot go, he said he’s just not comfortable if i go by myself. he just wants me to stay. He explained that that’s tradition.
the last time i had my vacation last year, for 2 weeks i never left where i live, because he had other plans. He had plans to go to france and morocco with his friends. and by the time he told me about it, he had already bought tickets for it. i stayed because i wanted to spend my vacation with him in the first place. As for me, it’s like i never really got a break. i feel tired now, my spirit feels tired now, and i know i need this, take a little break. i work hard, and i know i deserve a break so that i can come back refreshed and ready for work again.
I feel he is selfish and i told him that. He made me choose… if i go, it’s better if he and i just be friends. if i follow him and stay, then we stay in our relationship. I was so upset. It’s like telling me i cannot take my own vacation just because he cannot go with me.
I had difficulty seeing myself happy if my future husband will control my life. it seems that he can get what he wants all the time, and can do what he wants. And i cannot, even if there is no valid reason for me not to.
that’s why i’m asking how tradition really is as a moroccan? Does the man have all the say in the relationship? Does he always have to be followed? Is he the one who always control the relationship/family?
I’m of different tradition and different religion. I’m Filipino and I’m Christian. I understand there is only a very small difference when it comes to religion. As a Christian Filipino, i believe everyone’s equal, whether you are a man or woman, rich or poor, healthy or not healthy, mean or nice. If you have respect for yourself, then in turn…you will respect others. It doesn’t matter how they dress or how they talk or where they come from, or what tradition they have. They are still God’s creation. For me, in a relationship, it should be at least 50/50 or a give and take. Not one side takes all.
I have fought to keep this relationship with this special someone. I have fought for us many many times. I never gave up. But this time, i told him, i cannot keep on doing this.
I don’t know what the future holds, but i don’t want to lose hope.
Please let me know your thoughts on this. Thank you!