[quote=2smrt4u]Hey Aicha !
Well, your husband isn’t fair with you and he’s totally a fool. But have you ever tried talking to him about what you really feel ? I don’t think he knows what is in your mind, you have to tell him that this life you’re having with him isn’t fun anymore and just say that you’re pissed off that you’ve got to do all the housework by your own.
Men don’t care sometimes and they keep doing the same stuffs because in their mind everything is fine, so if you want to change things, you get to give your husband a shaking-up and get him out of bed.
Well, it’s good to talk about your problems, but it doesn’t lead you anywhere. You gotta behave ![/quote]
I know, definitely talking about things doesn’t lead you anywhere it’s teh actions that are important. Just looking for some ideas for different directions to try because what I’m doing’s not working.
he knows exactly how I feel. Well I’ve said so, repeatedly and often.
If I say right I’ve had enough of this I’m going out and go out to meet a friend or for a walk or something, he will do something by the time I come back.
I don’t really understand what my part in it is. He wakes up if I bring him breakfast in bed , it’s just that I don’t always feel like doing that, having just got me and all the kids up and ready etc. Can’t physically force someone out of bed…I just feel like he doesn’t really want to be here with me, in his heart, which of course Allah swt is the only one who can see into and I don’t know what’s on the inside and culturally he’s not used to letting those things out, I understand this…
He says he misses Morocco, and he’s tired because the baby sometimes wakes him up a little in the night. Baby hardly ever cries he only makes a little noise for some milk. I’ve tried explaining if you’re tired and you love me can’t you realise that if you’re tired I’m much more so having fed baby etc had less sleep gone to work done everything else, how about you get up with the baby every other day and share the tiredness, let me stay in bed for an hour, how about just sometimes? He’s never taken the baby out for a walk even, to leave me to get on in the house or just have a break. I have asked for these things. This is all very different behaviour to how he was before he moved here. OK the baby wasn’t around but he did stuff, I felt loved and supported.
I just wonder if this is actually what he really wants or is what everyone around me is saying true, which I don’t want to repeat, about why he’s here. (he’s actually not here we spent 2 weeks together in morocco just over a month ago and he wanted to have more time with his family said he needed 6 weeks and wouldn’t come home before then so is still there, asking me now to buy him a ticket to come back but he’s got more money in the bank over there than I’ve got over here, I’ve seen. Not huge amounts of money but enough to buy a ticket or 10 vs my not enough for the things we need in the home plus all the bills etc.
I know it’s all to do with our actions and behaviour and if I was “traditional moroccan woman” I’d be at home with the kids and he’d be at work and I’d happily be responsible for all the things in the home.
But I’m not I’m me and if I put myself on the outside I’d say to myself “what are you doing putting up with this? tell him to shape up or get out”
but I feel there’s a more positive and happy solution inshallah
Finding out what’s really going on with him would be good. I just feel to love someone you work together with them, because you want to. Not just be in the house on the internet all the time and not taking part in family life. He doesn’t even enjoy taking the children somewhere nice and watching them play or playing with them.
Which he does/did always do in Morocco.
At his mum’s during ramadan he at least took the children out to do some nice things.
Behaved in my opinion not very nicely to me by just bringing food into the home then leaving, never saying where he was going or when he’d be back, ate his food then left all the mess on the table walking out and saying to me that I’d better clear that up quick so his mum didn’t have to, said he’d bought the food so I had to do all the housework.
When I said kindly to him then, OK but if you say this to me then this is the deal so this means if I bring home all the food then you’re responsible for all the housework and cleaning up, he just looked me dead serious and said no it doesn’t work like that.
I understand he’s not used to doing stuff in the family home there, but if it’s the same thing in a job outside of the home he would do it, but in that setting he’s the breadwinner and the women just ask for money and do all the home. We talked about this before marriage and agreed it should be 50/50 (based on 2 people working)
I’ve talked about all of this, I just get back that he’s not going to change and that if I’m patient he might do more in 2 or 3 years.
A moroccan female relative of his told me to make him something nice to eat and talk about things.
I came here not to spurt all this out, though it’s really helpful to get a male point of view which is why I chose to elaborate the story - but to just pursue my investigating on this subject of relationships with other women which feels too cosy to me but I might just be reacting to a situation, which is why I feel translating the texts is the way to clarity.
There’s not loads because a lot seem to have mysteriously vanished must have been just before we went to morocco because they’re not there now.
the context here is a video of a man talking about women want from men or something
she likes the video
her - hhhhh fine kadabar 3la hadchi
him - ra8 galtlik 9alat may dare ana ra8 8a galsa 7da 8ad sando9 ou hkadam…
her - ewa allah idimha 3lik na3ma (arra7a) othala f dak le bébé libine idik
him - yakma nti chawafa 7it yala8 chdito bin idiya…!!!
her - machi chewafa mé dakhla lik pc g activé la cam kanchof fik hhhhhh
him - bsa7!!! ana m3andich al cam…3arafti minktart li dco avec toi lamra galtliya chkon 8ad sa7ba jdida…hhh
her - opss sorry safi ana na7bess sma7li
he - no ra8a 8akat d7ak…hhh
he - yak ahkoya f ahkare iwama nuli kraymi!!